Five Stages of Grief

Loving this one. Truly helps me to see how my life has been and will be. It takes courage to go through all these, something that some people do not have.

1. Denial - First, you did not want to listen to it. You ignored the symptoms though it was obvious. You accepted the lies because you wanted to believe that things were still good.

2. Anger - Truth came out. Anger. Harsh words are uttered. I am still in this level.

3. Bargain - You try to put some rules so that things will remain the same, or so you thought. I have been to this level and I really need to move on.

4. Depression - Days of thinking 'what if'. Friends and family around while you are at this level will help a lot. Your thought will keep drifting back to the source but as time passes, things will get better.

5. Acceptance - Accept that things are finally over. I hope the day comes soon. And when the day does come, which I am sure it will, I won't even bat an eyelid when I heard about your news. And I will know, that I am free from you, at last!

A Lesson To Remember

Last night, an acquaintance (he knows me, I know him but we never talk) called me up and started to say really harsh and hurtful words.

This acquaintance is taking the side of another dear friend of mine (is it still dear friend, I wonder?). He has no business whatever but he decides to take part.

And my dear friend, I felt, let me to be scolded and bashed up by this stranger guy.

He started the call by saying, not to mess with him since he has connection with gangster at his place. He proceeded with lots of harsh and cruel words that would not be suitable to be typed here. I am proud to say that I did not shout back but I merely calmly replied him back. And mind you, without any harsh words. I know well that fire and fire would not end well. He is the fire, I am the water, who will win, eh? I can even sense that he is proud to have gangster connection which actually really amused me. What a guy! Such kiddish thought!

But the feeling of receiving such a call and to be treated such way is not nice. Experience from the past helps me to recover fast, but still, it hurts.

It hurts to see a dear friend turns her back to me. It hurts to get such call. It hurts that I care for the friend but it was not appreciated.

I learnt my lesson that night. Friends, will always be friends. Sisterhood and brotherhood might be true for some, but for me, it has always led to more pain. Never will I dare to overcommit in a friendship anymore, especially to those friends who don't treasure you well. Family should always remain your best friends.

I am stepping back. I have enough. I should have stepped back from the earlier beginning. It is a regret to know the dear friend. It is a regret that things ended this way. But now, it is time to protect me, myself and I.

Weekly BBQ

I am spoiled staying in Belaga with the weekly BBQ.

Belaga is pretty much a place where there is nothing to do during weekend. No shopping mall to jalan-jalan, no cinema to go watch movies and no interesting food outlets for me to try new food.

Life is dead here in Belaga.

But what makes Belaga interesting, are the people that are there at the same place and same time with me. Those people make an impact in my life. My social skill has been horribly jeopardized before so it is good to know that I am not lacking in that particular skill.

Anyway, continuously for weeks, we have BBQ every week this year. These are the people aka teachers who joined in the craziness.

Andy and Junaris. This place is where they stayed and many many thanks for accommodating us every time we craved for BBQ.

Betty Kong. A crazy lady. Enough said.
Cikgu Ruddy. Betty's husband. Tough on the outside but Betty brings out all the softness in him. A senior teacher in the school where his views and opinions should be respected.

Shirley. My housemate. Good to be bullied. LOL.
Miki aka Standly Kong. The underage member in the group. He is still in secondary school and is Betty's little brother. It is good to have him around so that we can say, "Miki, take the water!" "Miki, bring me a chair!" "Miki, why are you standing here? Go find something to do!"


Me. A good bully.
And usually, KKT would join us too but on that day when the pictures were taken, he was busy with school works and decided to skip this BBQ.

So that night, let me show you some pictures, what we usually do during the weekends.
Firstly, it is important to get the fire started. Guys will do this. We girls, will sit back and chat.But sometimes, it's good to have Miki, so that he did everything, and we sat and chatted. Lol.


Ok, so it's not only Miki. We all play a part in this BBQ. BBQ is all about teamwork and cooperation. Nobody sits around not doing anything. :)
Yummy...yummy...porky porky...barbequed porky is super delicious and crunchy...

The penjaga daging.
Tunggu makan

Showing off her colourful fingernails

The orang gaji

One of the many many fun moments. I should bring my camera with me more often :)
Food and drink. Of course, these are incomparable with those food in classy restaurant, but having good company is always the best thing.
Yes, usually we ended the night with a few drinks. Just a few, mind you. We don't smoke, we don't drink until we lose our head. Just some casual drinks.

It will still take me 3 to 5 years before I can apply to transfer from this place. But for now, it is best I treasure all my moments with these wonderful people. :)

Heartbreak

Just when I thought there won't be anymore heartbreak.

When I am through with hurtful people, through with hurtful relationship.

It has been a long, long journey.

It was long because it was unpleasant throughout.

It brought the worst out of me and it also brought me much pain.

Apparently, when it was too painful, I could not tear at all.

When do I stop fighting and put all of them to the past?

When will I stop regretting all the choices I made?

When will the past be remembered as only the past and not painful memories?

Why am I so stupid throughout to be cheated?

I can't breathe sometimes.

I wish I do not have feelings.

My mind wanders far and wide. It's a torture.

I have seen enough of you. The real you.

Why do I do so much for you and to be treated in such way?

I know what I should do, but do I have the strength?

Please do something, Celcom.

Hello there,

I am a Celcom Broadband user. My number is 0138508481. My name is Miss Lee.

I was informed few days ago by my colleagues that Celcom now charges monthly RM2 for paper bill.

As a person who always supports protection towards better environment, I was happy to hear the news. I have recently cancel a number of paper bills and change to online billing as it is so much easier.

I called the Celcom helpline to notify that I would opt for the paperless bill. To my disappointment, I was informed that I have to go to the nearest Celcom branches to settle my email billing.

I am currently in Belaga, Sarawak, serving as a teacher in the rural area. Celcom broadband has enabled me to reach out to the outside world where Streamyx is unavailable. Therefore, the earliest I can escape from this rural area and settle my billing will be in December.

I do not like the fact that I will be paying extra RM2 every month when I clearly do not want the paper bill. I do not like the fact that changing into email billing can be so troublesome where I have to go by myself to go and change by billing. I have done a lot of things through phone calls, I just can't see, why I can't change my billing by a simple phone call. Or by online. Afterall, your official website stated out loud and clear, "Manage Your Account Online".

I just don't want paper bill. As simple as that. And I have to travel for 4 hours to the nearest Celcom Center just to do it, with the cost of RM100 for transportation to and fro. I can't even ask my nearest relatives or friends to go to Celcom Center to do it for my part.

Yes, it is only RM2, but it still gets me and irritates me. I am frustrated that such a simple thing is unable to do through online or phone call.

So please, can you show me the way out? I am unable to go to the nearest Celcom Center but I really want to cancel my paper bill.

On the other hand, I applaud the Celcom Broadband for reaching out to rural areas such as my place and enable me to go online whenever I want. However, after years in this place, the line is still very much slow. Despite I was shown EDGE speed, my daily speed only reaches 20.00 to 50.00 kbps max. It was and still is a frustrating experience when I needed to do something urgent with a connection that is unstable and slower than a dial up. I really hope the appropriate authorities would take action against this matter. Currently, almost all government servants in this area uses Celcom Broadband. This roughly means around 200+ people subscribe for Celcom here. A policlinic is going to be opened here at the end of this year, and that means more people will be here. Can the system here be upgraded?

Another matter, is the Celcom Careline. Few weeks ago, I heard of the government broadband plan being offered to government servants. Since it is a better plan, I decided to subscribe to this plan. However, i heard the plan is selling like hot cakes and therefore I tried to call the Celcom Careline to enquire the phone number of Kajang branch. I wanted to know if the plan is still available as going to Kajang branch is quite a distance for me. Imagine to my surprise when the operator is unable to provide such information to me. I feel like the Celcom family doesn't bond really well with each other that they don't know each other numbers. I tried to search online. ALL THE NUMBERS online are out of service. Really, why put it online then? With no other choice, I went to Kajang Celcom Center and as expected all the modemns were out of stock. I can't subscribe for any plans if there are no available modems (according to them). Since I am a really loyal fan of Celcom, I went to Cheras Celcom Center instead to ask further. The people inside claimed they do not offer government broadband plan. I asked numerous Blue Cube around KL, none knew or heard of such plan. Some kindly suggested to go to Celcom Center to ask. Again, this is a really frustrating experience especially I took numerous trips which was not really convenient for me, I did not get any satisfying answer. And yes, I called Celcom Careline about this matter too. A helpful operator explained that one can easily subscribe such plan in any Blue Cube. Different information from different people. Why?

I hope I will get a swift reply on this three matter. Let me summarise it once more for easier reference.
1. I do not want paper bill but I can't cancel it unless I walk into nearest Celcom Center which I can't do so now. Can I cancel it online or through phone?

2. Can the system be upgraded in Belaga? Faster connection for everyone here?

3. Why with the different answers on government broadband plans? Celcom Careline operators have always been helpful, but not really knowledgeable.

Thank you very much.

* Bridget Patricia Lee - God bless you all
* http://bridgetlee85.blogspot.com

Word Hurts

Several years back, someone bashed me up in her blog. It was an unpleasant experience. I still remember my feeling at that time when I first read her blog. My heart started to palpitate, cold sweats forming on my forehead and it felt like all my happiness had been sucked out from my body.

It was a horrible experience.

I promise myself never to do it on another human being.

Questions formed in my head - What are my friends gonna think when they read this? Why is she announcing to the whole wide world about this? Where am I gonna hide my face? Why can't she tell me straight about things she doesn't like about me, instead of letting me finding it through her blog?

And to realise that she knew that I was a frequent reader of her blog, she purposely intended that post to be read by me.

My sould was broken that day. And it took me years to heal.

I know, that blog is yours. You have every right to write whatever you want. You can be loud, you can be free. I am sure you will mention that freedom of speech has been bestowed on you.

Yes, it is all bout what you want, what you need.

In the comfort of blogging, one starts to forget, words hurt.

What Is Happening To Me?

The coming Chinese New Year holiday does not excite me.

Things lately in life, despite going great, no longer excite me.

I can't visualize my future. I no longer know what I want, where I will be.

I am scared of losing the fighting spirit in me. Work is, well, just work. Where is the passion?

There are times when I would not mind if things happen to me, because I no longer have anticipation in my life. 

How is it possible that I can sink so low?

What is happening to me?

January 2010!

First of all, happy 22nd birthday to my younger brother!! His birthday is today, 100110. Enjoy your special day to the fullest! And you are old already!!

Secondly, calling out too EdwinaHugh and an anonymous user. Both had put comments on my previous post, but I accidentally deleted their comments. I am so so so sorry. By the way, to EdwinaHugh (if you are reading this), what do you mean when you wrote in Chinese character, "Only those who speak with a smile, can take a leading role..." I don't quite understand you. :-D 

Well, the first week of schooling in 2010 has ended. Life has been great throughout. But it has only been the first week. More torturous and suffering weeks are going to ensued. 

Anyway, I am the newly elected Guru Pengawas Harian dan Asrama. I am the newly elected Warden Asrama. I am the form teacher of a Form 4 class. I have 25 periods of teaching, Form 1, 2 and 4 English. Thursday is the most tiring one, with eight periods of teaching out of nine periods perday. There are still so many things for me to learn. And to see. And to experience.

Last night, several of my colleagues gathered and started to play cards. We had so much fun laughing at each other's silliness. Looking back, I knew it was hard to find at anywhere else, colleagues that are so fun-loving like the one I have now. 

This Sunday morning, the swarms of bees at my balcony mysteriously disappeared after staying there for weeks. That is good news as I can finally access my balcony again to dry my clothes. Later, I will be going for a Mandarin lesson with another colleague of mine. He teaches me Chinese, I teach him guitar. Good barter system. :-D

The first week of January started great. I pray that it will continue. 

The Remaining Days

The end of 2009 is approaching. As always, it is only at the end of something, that weak human beings start to reflect over their life.

As for me, 2009 has been one of the best year in my life. Yes, the best.

Here are the reasons why.

1. Friends and their family. 2009 is the year where I get to be closer with lots of friends that I am proud to have. 2009 is also the year where I stayed with lots of my friends at their house. This gives me the opportunity to get to know their families and lifestyles. My friends have wonderful families. Their parents always welcome me warmly to their house and are always generous with hugs. I believe strongly that good family foundation will determine what kind of a person you are. The wonderful hospitality that I had experienced - Gnet's parents and siblings, Brenda's parents and brother, Steph's parents and sister, Joyce's parents, Eileen's parents, and Connie's daddy. Thank you all. My 2009 is great, thanks to you all.

2. Sucky friends.2009 will be the year where I remember that friendship hurts as well. Years long of friendships is destroyed with reasons that until now I do not know why. Nor do I bother to know now because it would not change anything already. However, after months of healing, I realise the experience has taught me a lot. I am grateful for the experience, I am grateful to get rid of the people that did me more harm than good and I am grateful for who I turn out to be after the incident. I am grateful that I no longer spend hours gossiping and laughing over someone's imperfect teeth. I am grateful to be able to break away from my comfort zone and enter new zones. I am grateful that I no longer play a part in discriminating people I don't like. I know I had hurt people terribly before, and in the end, I tasted my own medicine when they pushed me out. Padan muka saya. Oh well, overall it is still an enlightening experience.

3. Jalan-jalan. Oh yessssssssss, 2009 is the funnest year of all because I get to visit so so so many places. Melaka, Bukit Tinggi, FRIM, Cameron Highlands, Batu Caves, and ICG in Johor. Not to forget Miri and Sabah!! And of course, Kuala Lumpur!! I love visiting all the above places, especially when you have great company. Coming in 2010, Mount Kinabalu climb in June and definitely something will go on as well in December. Somewhere overseas perhaps? I crave for Boeing 747. ^ ^

4. Graduation. The end of my university life. The end of my six years of degree-studying. I have achieved what I have wanted academically and still get lots of fun along the way. I am glad that I do not choose to bury my nose into books and live a mundane life of studying. I study moderately and play hard. And 2009 proves that all has been worthwhile. Master study coming soon...I hope.

5. Erhu. I performed in an orchestra! On a stage! WOW. @.@ And I learned to play erhu. Another music instruments skills under my belt. *beaming

6. Alcohol consumption. 2009 is the year I am exposed to so much drinking. And also to geng makcik minum. To remember all the stupid things we do and say when we are not sober. To remember back all the things we dare to do because we are not sober.

7. Work. Yes, I am a working adult. YUCK. It sounds like such a heavy responsibility. But I do enjoy the salary that I get. I have to admit that I was surprised when I received my first posting because it was in a rural area. However, on my second day of working, I felt right at home. My immediate adaptation to a new place surprises me as well. And since my posting, I never miss home. I still love my parents of course but I wouldn't mind to live all by myself. I wouldn't mind not going back to my hometown during holidays. I am ready to start a new life by myself.

Finish studying and starting to work are definitely the highlights of 2009. These are all the things that happened in 2009 that makes my life kinda interesting. How about you?

Hello

Hello people. (If there are anyone left reading my very-not-updated blog)

Anyway, my life is currently very satisfying. 2009 is definitely the best year I ever have. Everything has been wonderful with amazing people around me.

So, the Makciks had blogged about everything that happen in my life. Therefore, I find it unnecessary to blog out again.

Please enter here

and here

The above two links are my KK trip! My first ever trip to The Land Below The Wind. It was fantastic and very eye-opener. Looking forward to go again.

And click here


and here for the full story when Makcik Brenda came for a visit to Sarawak.

Thank you!

Holiday is ending soon. Happy working or happy studying again once more!

Bakun Trip 2009

Thirty teachers from my school grabbed the opportunity to visit Bakun dam on 8 November 2009. The trip was very memorable as I experienced a lot of first-times in the trip.

1. First time to wear and own a corporate shirt.



2. First time to wear a life jacket.



3. First time to naik perahu.





4. First time to camwhore in an open boat.



5. First time to wear a hard hat.



6. First time to visit the Bakun dam.



7. First time to follow an outdoor trip with the other teachers.







8. First time to try to jump while wearing a pair of boots.



9. First time to visit a primary school that is so rural, you get RM1500 of hardship allowance.



10. First time to climb up a 4WD



I am glad to have this bunch of noisy and loud teachers as colleagues. They remind me so much of my crazy friends in UKM. We laughed so hard and made such loud noise that we don't really seem like teachers. Oh well, better act and stay young while we still can.

Looking forward to my next adventures.

p/s I have always believe that things happen for a reason, regardless of how hard and how painful it is. As times pass, I started to see things where I am hugely blessed. Experience has taught me a lot. :-D

I know...

I know I should have updated my blog more often. I know I should post some new entries in my blog.

But life lately has either been too interesting and busy that I could not find any time to jot it down, or life has been too boring that there is nothing I could write down.

Still, that is not an excuse. I should really put an entry soon. Soon, people. Soon.

For now, I am busy with the school's annual prize ceremony. There are hundreds of presents to wrap and thousand of money to give away. And I am in charge of all these. Lots of new things to learn, lots of new craps to learn as well.

Till next time, people.

Shopping Spree

It is the end of the holiday. It is time to say goodbye again to my loved ones.

I am sad that the holiday has ended, but at the same time I am also restless for more actions in my working place. Hihi...

So, since I have fixed my mind in settling down for several years in my new working place, it is time to buy all my stuff. Therefore, this morning, me and Miss Chok (my housemate) rushed around Bintulu town like mad women, buying thousands ringgit of stuff as in the afternoon, we had to travel again.

I have never spend so much before in my life. -..-

Here are some of the things that I have bought to make my life in a small, rural town more interesting.


Undoubtedly, washing machine is important! Basuh baju tired oh...(btw, i assembled the washing machine all by myself. I am considering to work as a technicion now as my part time job. Afterall, i can assemble a washing machine all by myself. All my myself. Have I told u guys that I assemble a washing machine all by myself? yeah...)


TV is important. So is DVD player. Astro decoder coming soon. :-) One needs to know the latest E-news, the latest gossip, and the interesting history lessons, True Hollywood Story. The tv is still in the box. No time to open it up yet.


Sorry for the messiness. I just couldn't find the time to clean my room properly as marking students' exam papers are more important. Class starts tomorrow. -.- Oh, I love love love love my double bed. I can guling kiri and guling kanan while tidur. Soon, the grumpy monkey will be joining me. Together we will guling kiri and guling kanan. Guling kiri and guling kanan. Guling guling. The whole night.


Lastly, a refrigerator. To store food. Healthy food.

All the things above only cost RM1650. Cheap right? They are huge and gigantic and are useful in our daily life.

There are someone however who spent RM1400 for tiny, un-spectacular, fragile thing.


:-p Just teasing you dear.

And did I tell you, that I simply love my new room? Love, love, love, love it. Hihi. Presenting for the first time online, here is my room!! *clap clap


My personal bathroom. No need to share. Use by myself and clean by myself.


My room has very very nice rows and rows of cupboards. And I do have lots and lots of things to put inside. I have years to do so. :-)


My table. I love the huge mirror. Except the ugly word - Hak Kerajaan. -.-

Ok, I need to sign off. Tomorrow have to wake up early. God bless all.

Happy Birthday Gnet

Today is Gnet's birthday. Happy birthday!!

Gnet, I am glad that I get close to you during my days in UKM. You are one fun and understanding friend. Sometimes, I do smile by myself when I reflected over our days. LOL.

I know I am weird sometimes to you. LOL. I am looking forward to our next meeting in September because I do have lots of things wanna share with you.

Enjoy your day today. God bless!

On the other hand, I miss you all crazy bunch of friends a lot.

Miss the teasing, the jokes, the fun.

Time has come for me to move on to other place, but I am proud that we have shared the memories before. We had had fun before.

Continue to be crazy people. Fill your life with laughter and look young always (like me).

And here is Connie's clip, specially created for Gnet's birthday celebration. The video brings so many memories back that I almost teared watching it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI9gF8QNC7o

I am proud to have known you all. :-)

Many to Love

One year ago, Ah Bien was this cute, obedient little dog. Isn't she adorable?

This is my niece. This picture was taken a day after she was born. She weighted 3.95kg. LOL.

It is very interesting to observe the procedure of taking care of a baby. For example, we are ordered to only say negative things to the baby because it is believed that the opposite will happen instead. So, I have fun in calling her - NAUGHTY, UGLY, DARK.

And therefore, in many years to come, she will be obedient, pretty and fair. If the old saying is true la... -.-

Signing off now. Kinda speechless today. :-)

I Am Back To My Roots

Dear my beloved niece.

Hello, I am your auntie. I am your very young auntie. :-p

Anyway, it has been three months since I last saw you. I was in KL completing my last semester in my degree. I looked forward to come back and see you.

You have definitely grown since I last saw you! Your mother told me that you weight 3.2kg already. Be good in there now and wait patiently for the right time for you to come out, ok?

When I first touched you, I felt a rush of love in my body system. I have fallen in love with you without even seeing you yet! You will have so many people loving you in this life, so make us all proud!Hihi...no, I wasn't kicking you. It was just a random photoshot.

I was really excited waiting for your arrival. There will be much to see and learn. There will be much pain and love too.I am amazed by the wonderful way you are created.

This is your uncle. He loves you unconditionally as well!

Other than looking forward to see you, I was looking forward to see Ah Bien too, your mother's pet dog. Ah Bien doesn't remember me well after three months not seeing her. :-( However, Ah Bien is one retarded, stupid and funny dog. You would enjoy playing with her.


There is another pet dog too called Lucky. This dog is friendly to everyone, including strangers so he is useless in protecting the house. However, you should be wary of strangers. The world nowadays is dangerous and not safe.
Oh, by the way, on that day, it was Mothers' Day. When you come out, you must remember this important day and treat you mother nicely. Your mother, your uncle and me planned to buy a cake for dinner for your grandmother. Your grandmother is great. I am proud to have her as my mother.
Happy Mothers' Day, mom!

Missing you already. Can't wait to hug you. See you soon.