Thursday, May 19, 2011

Five Stages of Grief

Loving this one. Truly helps me to see how my life has been and will be. It takes courage to go through all these, something that some people do not have.

1. Denial - First, you did not want to listen to it. You ignored the symptoms though it was obvious. You accepted the lies because you wanted to believe that things were still good.

2. Anger - Truth came out. Anger. Harsh words are uttered. I am still in this level.

3. Bargain - You try to put some rules so that things will remain the same, or so you thought. I have been to this level and I really need to move on.

4. Depression - Days of thinking 'what if'. Friends and family around while you are at this level will help a lot. Your thought will keep drifting back to the source but as time passes, things will get better.

5. Acceptance - Accept that things are finally over. I hope the day comes soon. And when the day does come, which I am sure it will, I won't even bat an eyelid when I heard about your news. And I will know, that I am free from you, at last!

A Lesson To Remember

Last night, an acquaintance (he knows me, I know him but we never talk) called me up and started to say really harsh and hurtful words.

This acquaintance is taking the side of another dear friend of mine (is it still dear friend, I wonder?). He has no business whatever but he decides to take part.

And my dear friend, I felt, let me to be scolded and bashed up by this stranger guy.

He started the call by saying, not to mess with him since he has connection with gangster at his place. He proceeded with lots of harsh and cruel words that would not be suitable to be typed here. I am proud to say that I did not shout back but I merely calmly replied him back. And mind you, without any harsh words. I know well that fire and fire would not end well. He is the fire, I am the water, who will win, eh? I can even sense that he is proud to have gangster connection which actually really amused me. What a guy! Such kiddish thought!

But the feeling of receiving such a call and to be treated such way is not nice. Experience from the past helps me to recover fast, but still, it hurts.

It hurts to see a dear friend turns her back to me. It hurts to get such call. It hurts that I care for the friend but it was not appreciated.

I learnt my lesson that night. Friends, will always be friends. Sisterhood and brotherhood might be true for some, but for me, it has always led to more pain. Never will I dare to overcommit in a friendship anymore, especially to those friends who don't treasure you well. Family should always remain your best friends.

I am stepping back. I have enough. I should have stepped back from the earlier beginning. It is a regret to know the dear friend. It is a regret that things ended this way. But now, it is time to protect me, myself and I.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Weekly BBQ

I am spoiled staying in Belaga with the weekly BBQ.

Belaga is pretty much a place where there is nothing to do during weekend. No shopping mall to jalan-jalan, no cinema to go watch movies and no interesting food outlets for me to try new food.

Life is dead here in Belaga.

But what makes Belaga interesting, are the people that are there at the same place and same time with me. Those people make an impact in my life. My social skill has been horribly jeopardized before so it is good to know that I am not lacking in that particular skill.

Anyway, continuously for weeks, we have BBQ every week this year. These are the people aka teachers who joined in the craziness.

Andy and Junaris. This place is where they stayed and many many thanks for accommodating us every time we craved for BBQ.

Betty Kong. A crazy lady. Enough said.
Cikgu Ruddy. Betty's husband. Tough on the outside but Betty brings out all the softness in him. A senior teacher in the school where his views and opinions should be respected.

Shirley. My housemate. Good to be bullied. LOL.
Miki aka Standly Kong. The underage member in the group. He is still in secondary school and is Betty's little brother. It is good to have him around so that we can say, "Miki, take the water!" "Miki, bring me a chair!" "Miki, why are you standing here? Go find something to do!"

Me. A good bully.
And usually, KKT would join us too but on that day when the pictures were taken, he was busy with school works and decided to skip this BBQ.

So that night, let me show you some pictures, what we usually do during the weekends.
Firstly, it is important to get the fire started. Guys will do this. We girls, will sit back and chat.But sometimes, it's good to have Miki, so that he did everything, and we sat and chatted. Lol.

Ok, so it's not only Miki. We all play a part in this BBQ. BBQ is all about teamwork and cooperation. Nobody sits around not doing anything. :)
Yummy...yummy...porky porky...barbequed porky is super delicious and crunchy...
The penjaga daging.
Tunggu makan

Showing off her colourful fingernails

The orang gaji

One of the many many fun moments. I should bring my camera with me more often :)
Food and drink. Of course, these are incomparable with those food in classy restaurant, but having good company is always the best thing.
Yes, usually we ended the night with a few drinks. Just a few, mind you. We don't smoke, we don't drink until we lose our head. Just some casual drinks.

It will still take me 3 to 5 years before I can apply to transfer from this place. But for now, it is best I treasure all my moments with these wonderful people. :)

Friday, May 13, 2011


Just when I thought there won't be anymore heartbreak.

When I am through with hurtful people, through with hurtful relationship.

It has been a long, long journey.

It was long because it was unpleasant throughout.

It brought the worst out of me and it also brought me much pain.

Apparently, when it was too painful, I could not tear at all.

When do I stop fighting and put all of them to the past?

When will I stop regretting all the choices I made?

When will the past be remembered as only the past and not painful memories?

Why am I so stupid throughout to be cheated?

I can't breathe sometimes.

I wish I do not have feelings.

My mind wanders far and wide. It's a torture.

I have seen enough of you. The real you.

Why do I do so much for you and to be treated in such way?

I know what I should do, but do I have the strength?

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